Humor on Doctrine

I had to laugh when Shanti wrote this, about Christians being on the same page doctrinally, because my friend, Bob (who has a smashing new doctrine blog>, had just told me a good doctrine joke over coffee.

Seems Wesley, Luther, and Calvin all made it to heaven’s waiting room. There’s St. Peter at his desk, shuffling papers and making sure everything is in order.

“Looks like you’re all cleared,” said Pete. “You’ve been expected of course, so there shouldn’t be any trouble. Just a minute now and Jesus will call you in one at a time just to ask you a few final questions.”

“Questions,” Luther said. He had the weary look of a man already asked enough questions during his lifetime.

“Nothing to worry about. Just a brief review of your systematic theology, and a brief doctrinal questionnaire. You could do it in your sleep. … Probably have been, come to think of it.”

The three men relaxed.

Wesley was called first. He returned 10 minutes later, but all was not well. He was shaking and mumbling, “I can’t believe it. So much. There’s so much … I just can’t believe it.”

Hey, wrong door, John. Those are the stairs down. Where are you going?”

“Down. I have to go back down for now. I didn’t study enough. There’s just so much doctrine … I can’t believe all the stuff I didn’t know … “

So Calvin and Luther were left to look at each other. How could that be? We know he’s a little off, but, how could he miss a few simple questions?

Luther was next. This one took a little longer.

“Martin! Brother! Not you too … “

Luther was headed for the door to the stairs. He was clearly in a haze. “Just a few questions. I only missed a few questions … How could I have missed any?”

By now, Calvin had begun to sweat. What was this about? Trying to appear calm, he closed his eyes and did a few systematic run-throughs. Theology. Anthropology. Hamartiology. Christology. Soteriology. He defended infant baptism. He did a few side-by-side translation comparisons with the original Greek.

He was just considering adding another pedal to TULIP (because he could and because he seemed to have all this spare time), when the door opened.

“Mr. John Calvin? … “

Calvin’s interview took a very, very long time.

Finally, the door opened.

Jesus stumbled out, and headed for the stairs.

“There’s just so much. I can’t believe how much I didn’t know … “

– Goodness. LOL!